My endless chase for love

Carlos was the man I had always dreamt about. I saw him in my thoughts, my sleep and whenever my eyes were opened, he was all I saw.

His dark skin sparkled like a starry night, ooh I call him my ebony black. Each time he said my name, Janet, I could feel the love he had for me.

On our usual evening strolls, when other men looked at me, he looked at them with a gaze which they immediately read as, back off- she is my wife.

You are wondering how I knew, ooh one of my several admirers told me so.

Carlos’ lips had the right words. There are days which I considered as bad, obviously, making me very frustrated. Upon return home he had the perfect words to make me smile again.

And oh! He was Dumelo’s height with a well-built body. His face was masculine, his facial hair perfectly blended with his dark brows marching his well-connected beard, to top it all, his face was smooth – what Ghanaian Gen Z’s call a “fine boy no pimples”.

He was all this and most importantly, a perfect gentleman. You might say because he is my husband, I will certainly have nothing but praises for him. Nevertheless, I can confidently say he is the reason my life looked and felt good.

I am sure you know that feeling when good things seem to be happening and you never want them to change -yes, that is the life I live now.

My life was not always this way, never in my wildest dream did I believe I could get married to a man I could talk to for hours, drink from the cup in his hands or lean back against and breathe.

Here is a quick story of my life before now.

At age 20, I was already looking like a mini Karshadian – perfect brown skin, no wrinkles, slender and of average height and very eloquent.

I carried myself with confidence, a great public speaker and naturally I walked like a professional model.

I was an adventurous, smart and good student who lived recklessly yet managed to emerge top of my class for three consecutive years of the Banking and Finance class at the university

Like most bad girls, I had two abortions for one of the two guys I dated whom I thought I loved. The guys were sweet, at least that is what my naive mind kept telling me.

On special days, my very first guy would go the extra mile to shower me with gifts. From the latest phones and dinner dates at fancy restaurants, to nights in luxury hotels which of course was my favorite of all. I called him Mr. Surprises.

I vividly remember telling him, “You are all I want,” (now I look back and laugh). After what seemed like a dream I never wanted to wake up from, were days I was treated as though I was non-existent.

He wouldn’t call neither would he return my calls because he was supposedly busy. Mr Surprises seemed available on special days or occasions- I wanted a deeper relationship. I got tired of waiting for special days to feel loved. Fortunately, I met a man in his early 30s.

Where my Mr Surprises fell short, he stood tall and exceled effortlessly. He called first thing in the morning and last at night. He had my attention. I was beginning to imagine our future together, of course, I took these thoughts to bed.

In my dream we were already married with kids, it looked so real… I woke up on the morrow very excited especially because we planned to spent some time together over dinner.

That evening at the restaurant, his phone kept ringing severally from the same number. I noticed he got uneasy at the sight of the call and quickly excused himself to answer it. Upon return to the table, I saw fear in his eyes.

I could not feign ignorance, so I quizzed and he told me his daughter had an accident adding that she was in the hospital. At the mention of daughter, I froze! Yo…ur, you..r what!

He looked at me sternly and said let’s talk about it later, let me take you back to your hotel. I still love you.

I quickly found my voice and replied “you can go, I will find my way.” He paid the bill and left Ghs1000 on the table, kissed me on the forehead and said, “I am sorry,” then walked away.

His words shuttered and broke me to the core. There were so many questions. Why did he make me feel as though I was most important and that there was no one but me in his life. I can’t believe I am a fool; I can’t believe I couldn’t read through the lines.

Come to think of it, I was still dating Mr Surprises yet l accepted another’s proposal. I think I am the same as the married man…well if he makes me happy and fills the gaps in my life, what’s the use. I better manage him that way.

The next day he came to my hostel at dawn. I quickly got dressed and followed him to a breakfast restaurant. We sat to discuss the way forward but of course, I didn’t tell him I had Mr. Surprises in my life.

My journey with the married man went on and ooh he worked hard to prove himself. He made sure to be there for me. Sometimes, he would take me to the campus, send lunch and gifts.

One morning, I heard a knock on my hostel door, I knew it was the married man because it was just like him. I got all excited and rushed towards the door with my face full of smiles as I turned the nod I noticed it was his wife! Why on earth will she be at my door and how did she get her. I knew she was his wife because I had seen her pictures on his phone.

The lady started speaking on top of her voice and warned that I leave her husband adding that she was pregnant. After that sentence I couldn’t hear anything she said, I was also pregnant for him. As I stared at her, she became blurry because  my concentration shifted to Mr Surprises, I looked away for a while and looked at him again only to realise that he was actually staring at me. He walked up to the lady to apologize and promised that I would leave her husband.

I was too ashamed to utter any word so I watched Mr Suprises with one question running through my brain, “how did I get here?”

To my utmost surprise, his first question was “why will you cheat on me with a married man?”

I still had not found my voice to reply. He forced me to call the married man to end everything which I obliged. After all, I still had him.

After what appeared to me as hours of endless conversation, he said showed me the ring he intended to propose to me with… then I knew, I had messed up at big time. I shamefully went on my knees to apologize but he told me, it would be difficult to marry me because I had broken his trust.

That’s how he ended everything. I watched him stand to his feet and leave my room. I cried my eyes out.

My married boyfriend would not return my calls neither would Mr Surprises. Jezz, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I was pregnant, single and in my final year of school.

Suicidal thoughts? Yes!

What was I going to do? Abortion, definitely. I gathered my savings and underwent my second abortion for the same person, the married man.

I gathered my depressed self out of the hospital bed to the hospital chapel to pray.

“God, I know I don’t deserve a second chance but please save me from myself. I have nothing else. All those who said they loved me have left. I don’t want to use my own hands to take my life, help me. Amen”

I picked my sunglasses and headed to the door before I knew it I bumped into someone. Out of shame and disgust for myself, I quickly apologized and walked off.

He chased after me and as I was about entering my car he introduced himself. All I thought that moment was “what do I care about your name?”

Leave me alone. All the while, I had not looked at him because I was in no mood to go through another man drama.

I told him, I was Janet and quickly drove off.

Two months into my service, I decided to treat myself to a nice dinner. After work I went to this fancy restaurant as I ate my meal a gentleman walked to my table and called my name out, Janet.

I looked at him and asked myself, “where do I know you?”

Before I realised, he sat down and ordered a meal. He talked about himself asked about me, though I was reserved that night I liked his company. He paid for my meal though.

That was Carlos, I enjoyed his company and a year later we became great friends. I even had the confidence to tell him of my terrible past expecting him to walk out on me, but he held me by the hand and asked that I hugged him and whispered into my ears “all is well”.

Two months down the line, he asked that I become his girlfriend and of course I said yes.

A month later, he asked that I marry him. I told him, I wasn’t worthy of his love because he was too perfect and I didn’t deserve it.

We got married and I can tell you it was the best decision I made. My life has never been the same afterwards. He loved me so much and I could tell it was genuine

If you ask me, I don’t deserve the kind of love he shallowed on me.

Carlos is a representation of the love Christ has for you. No matter what you have been through, no matter what you have done, he is always there to help you.

To pick you up from the grass and change your name like Carlos did mine.

As we celebrate Jesus whose birth brought joy to the world, remember that you are greatly loved and for everyone who is loved, you are expected to show love.

Extend the same love to others.

Merry Christmas

Remember that you are loved.

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Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental

Source: Ghana News